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| def: marked by the intense irrational reality of a dream ; also : unbelievable, fantastic
is this what you really want? you denied it but i cant help to think about this time and time again.
i dont want you to grow to love me, i want you to love me because you do.
damn korean dramas
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| sometimes i wonder if i may have slightly changed for the worst. maybe not slightly in some people's eyes but definitly some sort of arguable change. i realize that not everyone is happy with who i am and who i've become. i can already list off some names of people that come up. but honestly, is it really due to time that relationships fall apart or is it because of change in personality? i dont want to lose real friends because of who I am becoming. but at the same time, i cant say who i am becoming may be consider "worse". when you acutally show independence and a slight of *itchiness, people tend to not take advantage of you. i think i learned that the hard way and that may have pushed me to becoming who i am now. i hope im not a complete *itch. but the fact that people will walk all over you if you dont stand up for your beliefs is quite scary. if people don't respect you, you lose a lot more than reputation. it hurts you deep down to the core. it makes you feel worthless. i guess right now is really a true test of friendships.
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| oh what a fool you are. i would have nothing else to write about you anyways :)
anyhoooo so things have been kinda rocky. story short, no one is perfect and a relationship requires both people to give in some and sacrifice some. i guess it's something that needs to be learned and that it'll come with time. i guess whenever i think about it, it does make me sad. i mean the feeling of being told "that" isnt the greatest feeling out there. but in reality, it's a feeling we should all still be feeling. we are young. we have a long way to marriage. this doesnt make him a horrible and insensitive significant other. it just hurts being told that becuase it should ahve been something that was just more of understood? iono if i make sense but yeah. after all this, i guess its true that you dont know what can happen tomorrow. just because youre super happy one day doesnt mean the next day will be the same. life is full of ups and downs and you just gotta deal with it. only you knwo whens the best time to let go. i think this isnt the right time yet. im not ready to give up just yet. im not gona give up without a fight.
i just watched kungfu panda twice.
soo i got a new job! RA sushi! (unless they change their mind about me). hostessing yay! im really excited about this job. change of environment, better pay, and meet new people! i guess im going into this job with the strength to resist any gossip or choosing sides. in the past, that has sometimes gotten me into trouble with some coworkers soooo i hope this time itll be different. im so excited!
time to sleep
before i do, i have something to get off my chest. HOW COULD YOU PEOPLE SAY THAT? IF I WAS IN YOUR POSITION, THOSE THOUGHTS WOULD HAVE NEVER CROSSED MY MIND. i may think it but i would have never said it. WHY? BECAUSE YALL ARE MY FRIENDS. enough said.
ok i must go before i watch kungfu panda for the 3rd time.
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| short and sweet
YOU didnt make the decision. YOU were just obeying what other people were telling you to do. YOU wouldn't have had that strength to make that decision on your own. don't make yourself sound like the victim in what happened. YOU have control over your own life. no one stopped you from meeting new people. YOU liked the attention and the support but wasn't smart enough to balance it all.
YOU basically took one step forward and two steps back. i don't need to go into details. but from a bystander's point of view, you haven't made any progress. (neither have YOU, but don't get me started on you.)
YOU sacrificed what could have been the greatest relationship(s) in YOUR life. I know you don't regret it but after seeing how things turn out, i regret even trying to work things out.
don't lead people to think you've gone through so much and you've come out stronger and a better person. i see nothing but the same mistakes happening over and over again.
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| so i just rewatched the movie for the 9758395289334th time. i still love it the same. and i still "tear up" at the same partss
1. "the part where he lists out the 10 rules to the girl's blind date to follow"
i think this part makes me cry due to the obvious reason: every girl wants a guy to notice the big AND little things about her..to the point where he saves it all up in his heart and mind. it was so cute how he remembered little things like "to always order coffee in cafes" to big things like "give her a rose on the 100th day of being together." watching this part of the movie over and over again always gives me that tiny hope that someday i will luckily come across that one guy that will remember all of my habits and "rules to follow by". of course, it is a movie and it is scripted. but hey, if i never wish for anything..i have nothing to have hope for! mmm but the things is, i dont feel like im a very consistent person to expect a guy to come up with the 10 things to follow. iono..maybe i don't even know myself that well. so i guess if a guy can come up with 10 things to remmeber to follow in order to make me happy list..then he is definitly a keeper.
2. "the part where she tells him to go on the other mountain top and see if he can hear her from there. she thens yells out that she's sorry for being who she is and that she had never meant to be like that. that she isn't as strong as she wishes or thinks she is."
i know im not strong. i know im a very emotional person. and it is so hard to keep that to myself. ive acutally improved on this a lot..ive come to realize you cant let out all your emotions. there are some things better left kept to yourself. yeah , people always say that venting and talking things out helps with calming your emotions therefore bring stability..but talking to someone else doesnt 100% always work out that way. im pretty sure i dont try as hard as the main character did to cover up her vulnerability. i also see this scene from another perspectivce. it's like a person is trying to reach out to their significant other. he/she is trying to convey his/her emotions to him/her but the other half just doesnt hear anything for some reason. the main female character is yelling off the top of her lungs trying to get the guy to hear her true feelings..but because of the distance, he doesn't hear a single thing she said. in a way, that happens a lot in relationships. the growing distance between two people can cause the blindness to the other person's feelings..therefore causing the relationship to end. the sad thing is, even if you did notice it and try to minimize the distance between you two...it takes two to work things out and if the other person doesnt scoot back in and try harder to listen carefully, then it's really done for.
this semester has been so weird for me. usually im prety good about studying and what not. yes im a procrastinator but this year, it's come to the point where i just decide not to do it. is this part of "the college life"? cuz if it is, im doing a great job. but seriously, ive just been losing the motivation to try my best. granted, im not doing horribly in all my classes. mainly those two..buuuuut..i could be doing better. where did all my motivation go? is colllege something thats not meant for me? honestly, when people drop out and use the excuse of "im not the study type" or "im not the school type." i really think thats bs talk. what do you mean youre not the "study type?" just because you don't study doesn't mean you cant. youre just giving up.
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